When Sara and I got into this relationship we new that things would be hard. We weren’t blind or ignorant of the issues that we would face and we certainly were in no doubt that we would be facing one of the trials of our life.

What neither of is expected was that things would be this hard.

Nasty divorces, 4000 miles of distance and the sheer time that we have to spend apart has torn us apart, ripped us down and made us both paranoid to a level that would never occur had we been living just a few hours apart.

I must admit that things have been incredibly stressed for us over the last few months and in all honesty I am a large, if not the largest part of this.

Both Sara and I have our difficulties with the other being so far away. I know Sara doesn’t like it when I go meet my friends, go play play pool and have drinks with friends.

I know I don’t like it when Sara is out with others.

I fear losing her. To me she is everything. She is so beautiful that, despite the fact she tells me that other men don’t pay attention to her, I know that they do and I fear them trying to steal her away from me.

I told Sara once, and I still stand by this, that if I had never met her online, if we had only crossed paths in a bar or at a social function somewhere, I would not have walked up and talked to her. I would have been too afraid. A woman like her is so far out of my league that I cannot believe she’s with me and I cannot understand why she is.

Anyway, as I was saying, things have been hard.

We feel the deepest need to be on Skype together, on video and voice chat, when we can’t be together, simply because we can’t see each other in real life.

At the moment we’ve been averaging a week together every 3 months. Usually I go to Alabama to see Sara and once she’s come here to Ireland.

Hopefully, the next time, Sara will be coming here again.

Not being together in real life leads us to overcompensate with being online together sometimes. It becomes this crazy obsession that we need to spend time to make up for the fact that we both see things as if 2 hours online together is barely worth 2 seconds in real life and we want all the time we can have together.

As I said, we over compensate and this leads to further issues.

It leads to both of us spending so much time online that we feel restricted by it. We develop some strange form of cabin fever.

Worse, when we’re not together it makes us worry about what the other is doing, because they’re not with us. She’s not here. What is she doing? Who is she with? Who has she met? Will she come home tonight still my girlfriend and future wife?

I, perhaps, suffer from this paranoia the most.

I know Sara does too and I just don’t know how to alleviate it.

We try to compensate. We try to schedule our time together so we get used to spending some time apart.

When that doesn’t work, we fight.

Oh, yes, we fight and when you have two large personalities with massive opinions that are as stubborn as we are, well you get the picture, we fight!

But the thing is this: I love Sara.

I love her more than anything in the world. Without her I wouldn’t have the strength to do what I do. Wouldn’t have the strength or the courage to deal with my depression, to work through everything and to put all my hopes and dreams into Sara and our future. A future which sometimes seems impossible, but considering how many impossible things we have already achieved to stay together, has to work.

I want my future with Sara. I want us to be together. Want to be her family, to grow our family and to spend my life looking after her.

I want Sara to be free and I want to give Sara the freedom to be what she wants, to explore life and grow in whatever directions she needs.

I love Sara and even though we’ve been on together today, I miss her.

I can’t wait to see her beautiful smile again, run my fingers through her gorgeous hair, look into those amazing blue eyes and tell her, as I kiss her perfect lips, that I love her.