We sat down for two days and fought, screamed, cried, bit, kicked, squabbled, and consumed copious amounts of wine and Malibu and eventually came up with this, our own version of the Men vs. Women piece, in order to help our readers better understand why the other half of their relationship drives them spare. (Ok, it’s not helping us any, but maybe it will for you.)

Classes for Women

Basic Survival- How to Get By With Less Than 20 Pairs of Shoes

The Dangers of False Advertising- Padding is Bad: A Guide to Understanding Why Men Want to Wake Up Next to the Same Woman They Went to Sleep With

Makeup 1a : Applying Makeup Without Using a Trowel
Makeup 1b : Why the Rear-View Mirror is Not for Makeup Application

Dating Economics I- Why Men Hate When You Order a $25 Cocktail and Then Leave Half Dating Economics II- Eating in Public and Why It’s Acceptable

Sociology I- Overcoming Your Fear of Using the Bathroom Alone

Planning For the Future I- Getting Him to Marry You Does Not Require a Pregnancy Test
Planning For the Future II- Sex Doesn’t Stop After the Wedding

Fashion For the Married Woman- Why Sweats Don’t Work and Why Lingerie Won’t Kill You
Fashion For the Married Woman II- Classic Clothing: Wearing What You Already Own

Environmental Studies- Hairspray And It’s Effects on the Ozone

Dealing With Men- Understanding Why Flowers and Chocolate Doesn’t Always Mean He’s Fucked Up

Effective Communication I- Learning to Say What You Mean, Not What You Expect Him to Decipher
Effective Communication II- Learning That He Says What He Means, There Is Nothing for You to Decipher
Effective� Communication III- How to Make ‘I’m Sorry’ Sound Sincere While Continuing to Lie Through Your Teeth
Optional Credit Course- When He Says Yes Immediately, Either He Wasn’t Listening or Didn’t Understand the Question

Avoiding Unnecessary Arguments I- How Not to Walk in Front in Front of the TV During a Game
Avoiding Unnecessary Arguments II- Why His Friends Hanging Out at Your Place is a Good Thing

Timekeeping For Beginners- How to Avoid Leaving the House 10 Minutes After You Are Supposed to be There

Sex Ed for Women- You ARE Allowed to Participate!
Sex Ed for Women II- The Mouth is For More Than Just Kissing
Sex Ed for Women III- Spontaneity, and Why Scheduling is Bad

Bathroom Etiquette For Beginners- Anyone Can Put the Toilet Seat Down
Intermediate Bathroom Etiquette- Respecting Razor Boundaries
Optional Credit Course- You Too Can Remove Your Hair From the Drain

PMS- Your Problem, Not His

Classes for Men

Hygiene 101- If Your Socks Don’t Bend, It IS a Problem! (Or ‘Why You Require More Than One Pair of Underwear’�)

Dating Economics I- If You Can Spend $69 on a Video Game, You Can Afford to Take Her Out
Dating Economics II- Going Dutch May Be Fair, But It Won’t Get You Laid

Health I- Why a Beer Gut is Not Attractive- How to Distinguish Between a 6-Pack and a Keg
Health II- Dealing With Constipation: How to Pass a Pub Without Going In

Drunk Dialing- What It Is and How to Avoid It

Fashion For Men- Letting Go of the 80’s:� If You Owned It Then, It Shouldn’t Be Worn Now

Admitting You Are Wrong in 3 Easy Steps*
*Pre-requisite for ‘Admitting You Are Drunk- Why Telling the Truth is Not As Hard as it Seems’.

Effective Communication I- Choosing Your Words, A Simple Guide to Realizing She Takes Nothing At Face Value
Effective Communication II- Why Just ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ Are Never Acceptable Answers
Effective Communication III- Apologies and Reparations- Getting Yourself Out of the Doghouse and Back Into Her Bed*
*Advanced Level Course, Must Have Completed Effective Communication I and II

Avoiding Unnecessary Arguments I- The More She’s on the Phone, The Less She’s Nagging You
Avoiding Unnecessary Arguments II- Lessons on the Consistent Use of “Yes”, “You are Right”, and “You Look Great in That”
Avoiding Unnecessary Arguments III- When to Give Up and Say Nothing at All

Reality vs. Perception- Understanding that You Are Not James Bond
Reality vs. Perception II- Basic Measuring Techniques, and the Difference Between 4 Inches and 8
Optional Credit Course- Why Women Can’t Park Cars When You Lie to Them About Distance. (Reality vs. Perception II Required.)

Home Ec� I- Cleaning Instruments and How to Use Them
Home Ec� II- Basic to Intermediate Hoover Driving with Practical Demonstration on Going Under and Around Furniture
Home Ec� III- Avoiding Comparisons Between Your Wife and Your Mother
Home Ec� IV- How to Prepare a Meal Without Using a Grill or the Phone Number to Pizza Hut

Human Biology- Why Mentioning Her Weight or Eating Habits During Pregnancy Can Be Fatal

Sex Ed For Men I- Foreplay Requires More Than Just Taking Off Your Pants
Sex Ed For Men II- Discovering Your Tongue and Fingers, and Basic Techniques for Using Them
Sex Ed For Men III- Why Some Moves Will Only Ever Happen on TV, and How to Know the Difference

Bathroom Etiquette For Beginners- You Too Can Leave the Bathroom in Less Than 20 Minutes
Intermediate Bathroom Etiquette- Air Fresheners and How to Use Them
Advanced Bathroom Etiquette- Techniques For Hiding the Victoria’s Secret Catalog

PMS- Why It Really IS Your Problem (Effective Communication III Recommended But Not Required)