Paul and Sara

This is talking too.

One of the biggest issues that Sara and I still face on a day to day basis is communication. Seriously.

I know that may be hard to believe considering that we are both highly articulate speakers. Both of us are bloggers and both very capable of expressing ourselves. We indulge in said expression sometimes to the extent of flogging a dead donkey, but there you have it, communication can be difficult for us at least under the circumstances of a long distance relationship.

Being apart, while we wait for our circumstances to change so that we can proceed with visa applications means that the dynamic of our relationship is not the same.

Living and conducting the day to day affairs of our lives is not made easy by the pressures of being 4000 miles apart. We have Skype. We get to see each other everyday. Have it on together at night going to sleep so we get a sense of being with each other while we sleep. Watch movies together online. Work on our projects. Celebrate etc..  We talk constantly, but talking is not everything when it comes to communication.

The last time I got to touch Sara was in December. I’m not referring to sex, I’m referring to the little things that happen between a couple that are part of communication. Holding hands. Touching her hair. Putting my arm around her while we sit on the couch. Reaching out to put my arm around her while we lie in bed at night. These things, these little touches, small kisses and the ability to even see someones posture in its entirety, to smell them, to be able to bring them a cup of coffee (teas in Sara’s case, she can’t drink coffee) are all part of communication.

The are all part of the essential day to day communication between any couple and sometimes all the talk in the world can’t make up for their absence.

Of course, the fact that I am a stubborn old git doesn’t help in our case, but hopefully others going through a long distance relationship won’t be burdened with my particular brand of charm

I have and will continue to cherish the times I get to spend with Sara as we await being together permanently. Not just because I am with her and get to hold her but because for those few weeks at a time we get to do most of our communicating, and when we do I get to see how truly close we are. How truly right for each other we are and how much I could never be apart from her.

For anybody else going through a long distance relationship, please let me give you this little bit of advice.

It’s important to communicate always, but it’s never more important than during those times you are together in real life. I know it’s tempting to travel, meet all your friends, do the things that couple do in the dark ( or the park ) and get wrapped up in the trip, to get wrapped up in the “what shall we do together”. Even more important, in my experience at least, is the time you spend just with your partner. The time you spend pushing a trolley around Walmart, snuggled under a blanket watching a movie, playing board games, lying in bed talking, strolling through the park talking and oblivious to the rest of the world.

In other words, when you are together in real life, that is the time you should communicate. That is the time you should be attentive and do all the little things that you can’t do via Skype. That is the time to hold her (or his) hand, to brush her cheek, to show her, without words, that you are listening, that you are there and that you care.

That unspoken communication is what will sustain you both during the long months apart.